Let’s begin with a bit of sharing — I suffer from depression. I don’t have an official diagnosis or bottles of pills, but life often throws me curve balls that leave me huddled under my comforter or raging on my social networking. (And once again, let me extend an apology to those who follow me on both.) I have various ways to cope, and like most people, one of my ways of trying to haul myself out of a black mood is by watching a film.
Now, the popular consensus is that one should watch a happy, silly movie when one is depressed. This is certainly a good rule to follow. Laughter is the antithesis of sad, after all, and a favorite comedy often has the same effect as comfort food. They’re probably the top form of what Quentin Tarantino described as “the hang-out movie,” the movie you watch just to spend time with the characters. These goofballs are your friends, and they’re putting on a show just to make you feel better.
But comedies don’t always work for me. Reality inevitably crowds in. These characters aren’t hanging out with me and trying to cheer me up. They’re mocking me with their superior lives! Just look at their house, their friends, and their wardrobes — why isn’t my life like that? If my mood is awful enough, even a character suffering for comedy appears to be having a better time than I am. Margaret Dumont’s wealthy dowager may have been the butt of the Marx Brothers’ jokes, but she was still at parties, operas, and horse races, which is surely better than weeping at home in your pajamas.
In my humble and moody opinion, the best film to watch in a black mood is the violent or depressing, and preferably one that combines both. (Korean films are great for this; they’ve perfected the cathartic and misery-inducing story.) A bad day is quite often the best time to watch that bleak movie everyone has recommended, but you’ve dodged every night in favor of lighter fare. Girlfriend or boyfriend dumped you? Go on, watch Biutiful or 21 Grams. Did you get fired? You might as well pop in Antichrist; you’ve had it out from Netflix for six months. Did you lose a pet? Well, you’ve never seen Penny Serenade, tonight is the night.
This might seem like a horrific form of treatment, and it’s certainly not a habit you should continue for a great length of time. But let’s face it — you’re feeling terrible. You’re bound to feel worse before you get better. So just plunge into the deep end of your mood, and revisit The Deer Hunter or The Hours. After all, do you want a sad story to ruin a perfectly good mood? No, you don’t. So, just go with it. The film may even resonate more because you’re in a bleak head space.
In a perverse way, it may even improve your mood. Even a depressing film will distract or you — or, if you prefer, it will focus you. It’s uncommon knowledge that sitting still and concentrating on any one thing for several hours is a form of meditation. That thing can be a book, a piece of music, or a film. By watching a movie, you’re meditating, and that’s a pretty popular prescription for mental and spiritual ailments. You may find yourself stilled by the cinematic experience, even if it’s a miserable one.
A depressing film can also help you get perspective. My Russian professor remarked that she liked watching Doctor Zhivago when she was depressed or disgusted with grading papers, because it reminded her that life could be a lot worse. I’ve always taken that to heart, and when misery strikes, I pick the movies where characters suffer war or disease as a bit of a slap to the face.
As a general rule, I also like to keep these sobbing, numbing experiences to my home, where I have blankets to hide in, dogs to pet, and pajamas to wear an unseemly amount of time. However, you can’t always pick the time or place when a movie will break you into bits. Sometimes there’s a gloomy film I’m dying to see and support in the theater, and so I go — regardless of mood — dragging friends or family with me so we can talk each other off the ledge and seek out so-called unicorn chasers.
But more often than not, I try to meet depressing cinema on its own ugly terms. You want to depress me, movie? You’ve already lost. I’m already depressed. So let’s get this over with, shall we? Bring on the Ingmar Bergman and Lars von Trier, and we’ll see who comes out laughing.
