Well, we’ve probably all heard the news of the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema, their strict no-texting policy, and the indignant patron who got kicked out for texting during a movie. She was incensed and left a rather NSFW message on their answering machine that they then turned into a PSA against texting to be played in front of all R-rated films at the Drafthouse. Everyone loves a good public shaming, and those of us who don’t text or check our phones during movies can feel even smugger than we usually do.
As more and more people integrate technology into every molecular level of their lives, it becomes harder to create rules that everyone can agree on. Don’t be a jerk is a rule that most people can objectively agree on, but applying it can be a little difficult. The general unspoken rule of a movie theater is you try to make as little noise, light or motion as possible so that everyone can enjoy the movie, and so as to encourage good behavior in others. Unfortunately, this is beyond the understanding of most people who simply like to be as loud as they like and fulfill every desire they have instantaneously, including knowing what time it is during a boring movie, making plans for immediately following the film, or doing who-knows-what but it’s so important it has to be done right away.
And sure, it seems simple enough. Someone might receive a text message, and while they think it only takes a second to respond, their phone is shining brightly into the darkness for well over a minute or two, distracting everyone above them. Perhaps theaters will start a “texting” section, like how restraints used to have a smoking section. An usher will ask you upon entering the theater, “Will we be texting this evening?” And lead those who wish to text to the highest recesses of the theater where their lights and clicking noises cannot offend the rest of the audience.
This problem isn’t likely to go away, in fact, it’ll probably just get worse as hordes of high-schoolers with endless disposable income become the main patrons of theaters. There’s a few options available to movie theaters, all of them fairly terrible.
1. When you purchase your tickets, the cashier can rattle off something simple like– “This theater does not allow texting or talking on the phone at any time during the movie, do you understand and accept this rule?” and force the person to verbally agree before purchasing their ticket. This may sway the weak, but for the technologically addicted is unlikely to do anything more than make them smirk and strengthen their determination to do exactly as they please.
2. Another time-consuming and unlikely idea is that theaters could have an employee stationed at the entrance to each theater to collect all cell-phones and then re-distribute them at the end of the show. Doubtful. People are suspicious, this is complicated (stealing, mix-ups, security, etc.) and let’s get real, theaters are struggling to make money as it is, they’re unlikely to begin enforcing strict rules that might annoy or anger patrons.
3. A feeble set of slides before the previews begin often beg patrons not to text or talk on the phone, but these do little to actively encourage good behavior. These could be taken up a notch, images of people texting and then being eaten by a shark, or turning on their phone to simply gaze lovingly at it and a large rock crushing them. Or perhaps these simply need to get frighteningly personal, a looming figure looking mournfully into the crowd, “It’s you. You are the problem. No, stop laughing. You are the one who is texting and ruining everyone else’s night. You should be ashamed of yourself.” But that sounds like a major shame-based downer, not a peppy Saturday night on the town with your friends.
So, in the end there is no truly good solution except making sure that we police ourselves, act the way that we would want others to act, and if we’re in a group of friends and someone tries to pull out the old cell mid-film, simply reach out and smack it out of their hand as hard and as fast as we can.
As home theater systems become more and more advanced and the option to watch movies at home shortly after their release date becomes more widespread, people will continue to make the decision to stay at home and avoid theaters even more. In another ten years, movie theaters will likely become another relic from “The Time Before” and we will struggle to find the words to tell a child what it was like to go to a theater. By the time we explain about waiting in line to buy a ticket and then paying exorbitant prices for soda and popcorn before sitting down with other people to collectively stare at a large screen, they will have become bored and try to show us a 3-D model they made on their iPad 10. And we’ll give up and listen to them, because it won’t matter anymore.
