Lessons Learned at the 2013 Golden Globes

Continuing the trend of an unpredictable Awards Season, the Golden Globes took us aback by providing three hours of great speeches, wacky bits and the greatest hosts this side of Bob Hope. Below, we break down our biggest takeaways of the evening.

If You Want Something Done Right, Get A Lady (Or Two) To Do It
The verdict is in. As suspected, based on their widely beloved presenter bits over the years, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were the strongest Golden Globes hosts perhaps in its entire 70-year history. Warm, accessible, and genuinely funny, the gals never dumbed anything down or took a cheap shot, and instead opted for intelligent, jokes, peppered with a healthy dose of the absurd. No jokes were awkward or stale, and their chemistry with everyone in the room crackled, especially with a certain salt & pepper charmer. The best jokes of the night, if we had to pick? The dig at James Cameron and referring to Bill Clinton as Hilary Clinton’s husband.

Also check out: The 9 Funniest Quotes from the Golden Globes

Jodie Foster Still Reigns Supreme
The legendary actress brought what appeared to be the entire room to tears with her fierce, unapologetic, inspiring, beautiful, if not occasionally spacey acceptance speech. Foster came out by not coming out, took Hollywood celebrity culture to task, reflected on her lustrous career, waxed poetic about the future, and eloquently praised those close to her, most notably with the nicest thing I’ve ever heard a human say about his or her ex in the history of time, ”There is no way I could ever stand here without acknowledging one of the deepest loves of my life, my heroic co-parent, my ex-partner in love but righteous soul sister in life, my confessor, ski buddy,consigliere, most beloved BFF of 20 years, Cydney Bernard.” Easily the best and most interesting lifetime award acceptance speech in recent memory.

THERE IS A MINI MICHAEL J. FOX
His name is Sam Fox. He is 23 years old. He is perfect. The possibilities are endless

Jennifer Lawrence Really Is That Great
Red carpet perfection – check. A sweet, funny speech full of genuine emotion – check. Successful Harvey Weinstein joke – check. Clever First Wives Club reference – check. And all of this while sick with the flu, unable to take a drink due to  the antibiotics regimen, and allegedly two days out from a breakup with her boyfriend of two years? J-Law, if you weren’t my idol already….

The Campaigning Just Got Real. Emphasis On The Word Real.
Pulling out all the stops, WB sent real life former CIA agent Tony Mendez, portrayed ”Argo” by Ben Affleck, in to co-present the Best Picture hopeful, while Dreamworks called ol’ pal Bill freaking Clinton to endorse Steven Spielberg’s “Lincoln”, setting the internet on fire with mildly inappropriate jokes regarding who would be on hand to present the “Zero Dark Thirty” package.

Paul Rudd Hates “Girls”
Or so (jokingly?) implied his face during the show’s win, which garnered hilarious reactions from Judd Apatow and the “Girls” crew when when played back for them during the E! post show.

Taylor Swift Is Not Amused. Tommy Lee Jones Is Not Impressed
What’s got Swift’s goose? Her predictable loss to Adele? Tina Fey’s good advice disguised as a dig? Loosen up, Taylor! As for Tommy Lee Jones, he’s Tommy Lee Jones. When is he EVER impressed?

Solid Improv Training Goes A Long Way
I feel as though I speak for us all (Tommy Lee Jones notwithstanding) when I say I could have watched Kristin Wiig and Will Farrell all night. Hilarious.

Not All Comedians Do Good Presenters Make
Funnymen Jonah Hill & Sacha Baron Cohen fell flat with their presenting bits. Hill’s slightly misogynistic lovers quarrel with Megan Fox befuddled more than amused, and none of Cohen’s jokes landed, despite a valiant attempt made at the expense of “Les Mis” weak point Russell Crowe. Apparently even though Crowe’s lackluster singing voice is common knowledge, Hollywood isn’t ready to collectively acknowledge it yet.

Sofia Vergara Loves Pepsi
And everyone else in America officially hates it.

The Cast of Downton Abbey Have Great Weed Biscuits
What do you mean Aziz Ansari was joking? Why would you ruin this for me??? Whatever, In my world, Michelle Dockery runs a successful side business crafting delectable homemade edibles and Aziz Ansari is her most enthusiastic new customer.

Maggie Smith Will Never Give An Acceptance Speech At Any Point During The Rest Of Our Natural Lives
But if she did, MAN would it be good.

Ben Affleck Would Have Been the Frontrunner For Oscar
After picking up the BFCA for director and picture, and now the Golden Globe for both as well, if Affleck was nominated for an Oscar, “Argo” would not only be the Best Picture frontrunner, but Affleck would be considered the heavy favorite to call himself an Academy Award winning director come February 24th. But thanks to Oscar ballot deadline changes and numerous other potential x factors, Affleck doesn’t have a shot at that particular gold. Still makes you wonder if this overwhelming good will towards Ben will actually defy the stats that say “Argo” has no shot without a Best Director nod and pave the way to the film’s victory. And maybe even a write-in campaign…?

Lea Michele Thinks That’s a Real Skin Color
It’s not.

Christoph Waltz Still Doesn’t Know How to Give A Coherent Speech
But boy is he charming while he tries. Never change.

Everyone Should Be From North London
From her accent to her ebullient attitude, Adele was having the damned time of her life winning for her original Bond song, “Skyfall.” Much looser than audiences are used to seeing her, perhaps it was being outside of her industry that allowed the singer to figuratively let her hair down, but she became an instant crowd and internet favorite and all but sealed up the Oscar win – if you’re one to believe acceptance speeches play a role in that sort of thing. The cherry on top? Her high five with Bond himself Daniel Craig.

Gingers Well On Their Way Towards World Dominance
Damien Lewis, Julianne Moore and Jessica Chastain all walked away with awards. COINCIDENCE?!?! Yes. Probably.

HFPA Presidents Know How To Have Fun
Hey, Bradley Cooper. Call her maybe. #thathappened

The Internet Does NOT like Anne Hathaway
Maybe it’s because of her accusation that the BFCAs were gauche the other night, or maybe it was her using a “Les Mis” producer’s time on stage to thank her agents, but the internet seems to be slowly but surely turning against Ms. Hathaway, complaints of entitlement running rampant. Sure, Hathaway may have some of that classic theater kid manic energy about her, but it’s obvious she means well. How sweet was that tribute to Sally Field?! She thanked Tina Fey for the word “blerg!” Not to mention, she truly deserves all the accolades being heaped upon her for her heart wrenching performance as Fantine. Don’t lose faith now, Internets!

Wives RULE THE LAND!
Daniel Day Lewis, Don Cheadle, Ben Affleck, and Hugh Jackman mark only a few of the men who credited their success to their longtime loves, and in an extra burst of adorbz, Jennifer Garner finished husband Affleck’s thank yous before presenting the award for Best Actor in a Musical or Comedy. Although it seemed like the producers may not have been keen on the idea, it was still a surprisingly sweet moment. All in all, there was a lot of love for women in that room last night.

One Of The Evening’s Producers Has Definitely Seen “Chloe”
And decided to be a super creepster about it by holding on Amanda Seyfried during Julianne Moore’s speech.

It’s Possible To Have A Wildly Entertaining Awards Ceremony
Perhaps the biggest takeaway of the evening was that watching an awards telecast can actually be a great time. The right hosts, the right winners, the right jokes, the right energy, with nothing superfluous or poorly executed to distract, the Golden Globes have thrown down the gauntlet and Seth McFarlane has a lot to live up to when he steps on stage next month to host the one awards show to rule them all. All eyes on you, Oscar. Don’t eff it up.

Also check out: What We Learned About the Oscars at the Golden Globes

Categories: Awards

Tags: amy poehler, daniel day-lewis, Golden Globes 2013, Jodie Foster, tina fey

‘Twilight’ Memories Or: How We Learned to Come Together and Love the Vampire

I remember the exact moment “Twilight” finally arrived on my radar. It was San Diego ComicCon 2008, and I’d just joined the line for Hall H. I can’t remember what panel I was queuing up for, but it was early, and the line seemed incredibly long for what was scheduled that day.

“What are all these people here for?” I asked, not really expecting an answer. But the lady in front of me turned around, and smiled with a mixture of smug knowledge, excitement and pity.

“Twilight, of course!” She stuck her hip out, and jerked her thumb towards her back. The back of her T-shirt was a riot of floating heads, all looking sorrowful, arranged around a title that baffled me: “Twilight.”

I still didn’t know what “Twilight” was. I wasn’t sure I wanted or needed to know. But it was too late. There was no ignoring “Twilight” after that. It’s as if the series jumped off that lady’s T-shirt and stuck to me. Suddenly, work demanded I had to write about “Twilight” – and write authoritatively about it – and I was studying my Cullens, Blacks and Volturi so I could not only induct newcomers to the cult, but pepper articles with references only a “Twilight” fan could appreciate. Every Comic-Con now found me found me yawning my way through “Twilight” press conferences (which had a nasty habit of being at 8 a.m.), too far away to see which werewolf or vampire was speaking so that my notes were filled with question marks.

I did what everyone else did: I snarked. Being thrust into the middle of an enthusiastic (and often hysterical) fandom that I didn’t really share irked me. Writing endlessly about it (and the news, photos, posters, rumors and rumblings never ceased) exhausted me. “Twilight” earned my disdain, and I enjoyed needling its fans whenever I could. Team Edward or Team Jacob? Please. Team Alcide Herveaux, thank you very much.

But before long, I realized picking on “Twilight” wasn’t fun anymore. Everyone was doing it, and it wasn’t productive. We did it to upset fans, they reacted predictably, we laughed and did it again. It didn’t add anything to the pop culture discussion. It didn’t lessen their fandom, and they couldn’t convince us to share in it. “Twilight” was here to stay until it had played out, and it wasn’t going to do that for years.

I even began to empathize with them. I knew how it felt when a writer dismissed or derided something I cared about. It felt terrible. Everyone was a fan of something, and that something deserved to be written about with respect and accuracy. It didn’t deserve to be mocked. While I was never going to be a fan of “Twilight,” I understood that level of enthusiasm and dedication. When I walked into the Comic-Con panels, and listened to the crowd shriek and cheer over footage, even my grumpy heart was warmed. They, of all the grim con attendees, were actually having fun. They were in love with what they were seeing. What was wrong with that?

But the thing I found sweet about “Twilight” fans – the “in love” bit – became the focus of well-meaning critics who began to decry the series as damaging to women. Women would spend their lives pining for an Edward or a Jacob, and ignore the guys in front of them. Bella taught girls they were nothing without a boyfriend, and that a boyfriend who hurt them was desirable. Bella taught women to be passive, Bella was a void, Bella was the worst thing to happen to literature and cinema ever. Now, I’m not saying these opinions had no merit, but why wasn’t that passionate criticism directed at other portrayals of women in media? Why weren’t those voices championing the strong female characters that did appear in film? For every furious tirade against Bella Swan, there was a photo gallery (often on the same site) that leered over a scantily clad Megan Fox or Mila Kunis. That wasn’t damaging to young women, but a lovesick heroine was?

Did critics really think women were so weak as to take “Twilight” seriously? Were we suddenly incapable of rational thought when faced with supernatural melodrama? Did they not realize we’d been reading, watching and thoroughly enjoying romantic pulp for decades? What did they think was underneath the covers of Harlequin novels? Recipes? Beauty advice? Poetry? Nope, and many a sturdy feminist has read one of them, enjoyed the moment when a Highlander or cowboy ripped off a bodice, and survived with her backbone, intellect and morals intact. To insist women and girls shouldn’t see or read “Twilight” for their own good was an ugly echo of those medieval relics who argued we shouldn’t even be taught to read or write because we’d ruin our moral fiber with love letters. Women, it seems, still can’t be trusted with the written word, and I didn’t like that insinuation.

I did what I never expected: I became protective and defensive of “Twilight” fans. I knew the phenomenon would pass, and young women would tire of Bella’s lovesick monologues, and seek out a heroine who offered more in the way of action and independence. I’ve seen that come true as girls swap Bella for Katniss Everdeen. It’s a cycle. People, young and old, need different fantasies for different moments in their lives.

Never fear. “Twilight” is over. The world survived. Women survived. I survived, and I won’t miss writing breathy love letters to Robert Pattinson or Taylor Lautner. (Sorry guys – I thought of Joe Manganiello the entire time.) I won’t miss the furious emails from Twi-Hards, screaming for my head because Edward’s “human birth” and “vampire birth” dates were swapped in an article. I won’t miss getting up at 6:30 in the morning to make that early Twi-junket, and I won’t miss standing in scorching lines to try and get into Comic-Con’s Hall H to witness the newest piece of Twi-footage. I won’t miss the headlines about whether Pattinson and Kristen Stewart did, didn’t or are doing it. I won’t miss the memes, spoofs and sarcasm that litters Facebook after every movie. I won’t miss the rants from critics and columnist lamenting what Stephanie Meyer has done to vampires, literature or feminism. It was all ridiculous and exhausting. I’m glad it’s all over. I’m thrilled this is the last thing I’ll ever write about “Twilight.”

But it’s been an interesting phenomenon to be caught up in. I never expected to actually grow as a person because of reporting on “Twilight,” but I did. I became more tolerant, and developed new outlooks on fandom and feminism. I remembered the embarrassing things I was into as a teenager, and when and how I snapped out of them. I even became more comfortable with indulging my own tastes in lurid romance, confident it didn’t make me less of a thinker. Who would think one franchise about mopey teens could do so much? Not I.

So, “Twilight,” we’re cool. We are. But we’re done, and I’m so happy. Good luck to you and yours. But try not to inspire any more S&M trilogies, ok? I don’t think I can take another round of this.

Supercut: Robert Pattinson Stares Intensely

Categories: Features

Tags: the twilight saga, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn -- Part 2, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2