Trailer Showdown: Thor Makes ‘Bling Ring’ Put its Crown on the Ground

Friday cometh yet again, and bringeth with it a new Trailer Showdown. Each week we take the best and the worst trailers and rank them in that order, so that you can better plan your movie-going in the months to come.

This week is full up on documentaries, about the war on terror and the war on drugs, but there’s also new trailers for plenty of lighter fare including an amazing new trailer for Sofia Coppola’s “The Bling Ring”, a look at the new Judy Blume adaptation “Tiger Eyes” and of course, a first look at the new “Thor: The Dark World” trailer, which brings both the smack and lays it down.

And now, ranked from best to absolutely the worst, we present this week’s Trailer Showdown! Let us know in the comments if you agree or disagree with our rankings, though of course you’ll agree!

1.) ‘Thor: The Dark World’

Another installment in the “Thor” franchise brings Thor to a very dark place as he attempts to protect his love and defend his home, all of which leads him to make a deal with the devil: his evil brother Loki. Fans of the Marvel universe adore Loki and Thor battling it out, and at this point it feels as if Marvel can do no wrong when it comes to pitch-perfect super hero films. Big budgets, big talent, and decent script? Thor is definitely on our blockbuster fun list.
Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Anthony Hopkins
Release Date: Nov. 8, 2013

2.) ‘Bling Ring’

Though we won’t feature every single iteration of this trailer, it seemed worth sharing since this time around we get actual dialogue and a peek inside what the film will truly be like. Emma Watson’s accent is amazing, first of all. Second of all, the search for fame and the desire to be a celebrity are fascinating topics and this film could not be coming at a better time. Third of all, Sofia Coppola’s music choices and art direction are spot on as always. Release date cannot get here soon enough.
Starring: Katie Chang, Israel Broussard, Emma Watson
Release Date: June 14, 2013

3.) ‘Tiger Eyes’

Based on a Judy Blume novel, a young girl finds solace in an unexpected friend after a death devastates her family. Judy Blume novels should all obviously be turned into movies, and this one looks to be well-written, touching and moving. In addition to all the mechanics of the film working well together, there is a subtlety that perfectly captures Blume’s delicate take on being a teenager.
Starring: Willa Holland, Amy Jo Johnson, Tatanka Means
Release Date: June 7, 2013

4.) ‘How to Make Money Selling Drugs’

As the title suggests, this documentary will instruct the viewer on how to make money selling drugs. Well, that’s a big tongue in cheek, but it certainly is a direct hit on the drug war in America, exploring the details of drug culture and the laws that we’ve constructed that seem to perpetuate and escalate drug incidents. Insightful and astounding at times, this is one well-done doc.
Starring: Woody Harrelson, Susan Sarandon, Eminem
Release Date: 2013

5.) ‘The Institute’

This documentary takes on a strange San Francisco phenomenon, unfortunately even though I watched the entire trailer I still have no idea what it is. And that is awesome. It’s a rare delight to stumble across something that makes no apologies of the fact that it won’t explain itself, and “The Institute” explores an organization that may be a cult, a game or something else entirely. Can’t wait for this one!
Starring: Jeff Hull, Gordon Mclaughlin, Arye Bender
Release Date: 2013

6.) ‘The Grandmaster’

This is the worst trailer for a movie that very well may be very quiet and beautiful. Instead it’s all flying fists and loud noises. Directed by Wong Kar Wai, the film explores the world of Ip Man, who trained Bruce Lee. Of course there has to be more to the story than that, Wong Kar Wai is one of the most renowned foreign directors, given more to subtlety and emotion than crazy action sequences. Only time will tell what this movie’s really like, but I’m betting it is fantastic.
Starring: Ziyi Zhang, Tony Leung Chiu Wai, Chen Chang
Release Date: August 23, 2013

7.) ‘Dirty Wars’

A documentary that explores the dark underbelly of the current war on terror, exposing the idea that there are massive cover ups and a “secret war” happening right under our noses. The documentarian makes an elegant case, but war documentaries have become an increasingly hard sell for audiences, even though this one is straight out of Sundance. Films like this one can feel so overwhelming, especially if the audience is being presented with facts upon endless facts.
Starring: Nasser Al Aulaqi, Saleha Al Aulaqi, Muqbal Al Kazemi
Release Date: June 7, 2013

8.) ‘RIPD’

Reynolds and Bridges together as a pair of dead law enforcement officers? Very yes, and thank you. This movie looks like a cross between “Men in Black”, a vampire hunting flick and the awfulness of “Ghostrider”. Chock full of silliness and very expensive CGI, this trailer does its level best to throw every single fantastical scene at you, however, this also doesn’t seem like the kind of movie that can actually get spoiled. Dark and dense, this movie might be a bit like trying to eat an entire Devil’s Food cake in one sitting.
Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Kevin Bacon, Jeff Bridges
Release Date: July 19, 2013

9.) ‘Ratchet and Clank’

This cute trailer for an animated children’s film makes fun of the very concept of cool trailers, with one of the characters dancing around at the whim of the animators. Silly, yes, but self-aware, which is harder to find. Even though the movie doesn’t come out until 2015, (is that how far in advance we have to release trailers now?!) this gentle reminder is cute enough to pique interest, even if the animation style is not very advanced.
Release Date: 2015

10.) ‘Hatchet III’

The Worst of the Week: A deranged woman walks into a police station and starts spouting off about “killing him,” which leads to one of the bloodiest battles in horror history as dozens of cops take on a mysterious killing force. Part farce, part out of control horror bloodbath, this third installment in the “Hatchet” series looks to be equal parts disgusting and nauseating. Torture porn at its finest.
Starring: Danielle Harris, Kane Hodder, Zach Galligan
Release Date: June 14, 2013

Come back next week for more rankings!

Categories: Columns, Trailer Roundup

Tags: Bling Ring, Sofia coppola, The Grandmasters, Thor: The Dark World, Trailer showdown

Review: ‘Quartet’ Makes Mediocre Music

In an age where racist, sexist or homophobic speech is likely to be shouted down, there is but one conclave of invective that usually goes unchallenged: ageism. Ageism is real and nigh ubiquitous, which is something I find peculiar – only those blessed with luck will be able to reach geriatric status. I do my best, therefore, to block ageist thought when I see it, which is why it doubly pains me to tell you that “Quartet,” a film by seniors about seniors, isn’t particularly good.

Dustin Hoffman, yes, THE Dustin Hoffman, makes his official* directorial debut 45 years after “The Graduate” with “Quartet,” adapted from a play by Ronald Harwood. The action takes place in a rather posh retirement home for classical musicians and concludes with a Verdi recital that, storywise, serves the same function as Mickey & Judy saying “hey, let’s put on a show.”

First we meet Billy Connolly, who all but announces he’s ready to haul ass to Lollapalooza. He’s crude to the nurses and urinates on the croquet pitch. Charming. Then there’s Pauline Collins, whose just a cut-up, because she’s suffering from dementia and acts like a child. This is an absolute scream until the movie decides it needs a quick injection of pathos and decides to let her illness get serious and everyone can look sad around her hospital bed.

Far more dignified is Tom Courtenay, the only one who comes out of this picture unscathed. He’s a stick in the mud (Lady Ga-WHO? Never heard of her!) but at least is willing to expand his horizons, as is evidenced by his googling the term “rap.” As it happens, these three used to be part of a renown singing group and when a van pulls up with Maggie Smith in tow the titular quartet is back together again.

But not so fast! Two major hurdles stand in the way. Courtenay is still licking his wounds over a broken heart (he and Smith were once briefly married) and Smith has to accept the reality of her winter years. She can’t hit the high notes like she once could, but she can still sing, dammit, and as long as there is there is the breath of life there is music and bah bah bah oh God make it stop I can’t take any more cliches.

When the four decide to sing they sell more than enough tickets to save the old folks’ home, but this is such a ridiculous anticlimax that they can barely look you in the eye when the plot point hits. It is done away with in a quick line of dialogue; maybe everyone was just too ashamed to go into it any more. “Quartet” is polite enough to be short, I’ll give it that much. Plus Michael Gambon runs around in a bedazzled housecoat just daring you to compare him to Dumbledore.

Grade: C-

* I say official because there are rumors that he actually did most of the directing on the 1978 film “Straight Time,” plus I recall reading an article about the 1992 film “Hero,” which implied that he basically shadow-directed many of the scenes. You can also check out the behind-the-scenes stuff from 1981's “Tootsie” to see how much more-than-just-an-actor input he had on that one, much to director Sydney Pollock’s chagrin/delight.

Categories: Reviews

Tags: dustin hoffman, Maggie Smith, Quartet

‘The Hobbit’ Makes $13 Million at Midnight, Poised to Set December Box Office Record

“The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” has only been in theaters for a few hours now, but forecasts are already predicting that the latest epic from Peter Jackson will set a new box office record for a December release.

Thanks to the $13 million “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” made in its midnight release last evening, Box Office Mojo is reporting that the film is well on its way to breaking the mark currently held by “I Am Legend.” By comparison, “I Am Legend” brought in $77.2 million in its opening weekend back in 2007, only $1.7 million of which came from its midnight release.

Of course, “The Hobbit’s” earning potential is somewhat curtailed by its 169 minute run time, which limits the number of showings each theater can present. Still, “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” should benefit enough from both 3D premiums and inflation to pass “I Am Legend” on the charts, presuming mediocre word of mouth doesn’t keep fans away.

Jackson, of course, is no stranger to December blockbusters; all three installments of “The Lord of the Rings” debuted in December, with 2003's “Return of the King” earning $72.6 million in its first weekend. That number, however, was reduced somewhat thanks to a Wednesday release. His 2005 epic “King Kong,” which like ‘The Hobbit” opening on December 14, debuted with $50.1 million.

“The Hobbit” has already set a December debut record by premiering on 4,045 screens nationwide.

Categories: News

Tags: box office, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, Peter Jackson